Jul 28, 2025
Who Do You Admire? How to Use Role-Models to Overcome Anxiety
Asking yourself a simple question can have an immediate impact when you’re starting to feel undone: “What sort of person do I want to be when anxiety shows up?”
It’s easy to be the type of person we want to be when life is going well, but another thing entirely when facing hardship. When anxiety takes hold, it’s helpful to have something – or someone – to help model a healthy mindset and the right steps forward.
key takeaways
Find a Guide for Adversity: Identify a role model, real or fictional, whose actions and mindset reflect the qualities you admire. Studying how they navigate challenges can provide a blueprint for your own response to anxiety.
Emulate Strength and Virtue: Reflect on the posture, speech, and actions of those you admire, and practice integrating those qualities into your own behavior. Over time, this shapes your habits and character.
Adopt a Courageous Mindset: View adversity as an opportunity for growth. Facing discomfort intentionally builds resilience, confidence, and a life aligned with your values.
ROLE-MODELS FOR SUPPORT
A Guide Through Anxious Uncertainty
Anxiety has a way of making us feel lost. Without clear values and principles to guide us, anxious discomfort can sweep us away until we’ve lost sight of the desired path for our lives.
Literature has long reflected this need, offering symbols of guidance and strength in the face of adversity.
One example comes from Dante’s Inferno.
Dante—lost amidst all of life’s complexities, passions, and vices—is led through the circles of Hell by Virgil—a figure who embodies wisdom, composure, and moral strength. In fact, if you look at the illustrations of Gustave Doré, Dante is frequently depicted as clinging to his guide. He does not want to be there, but he faces it anyway because that is what’s required of him.
With your own anxieties, you should likewise have a guide to follow—one which helps you move toward what is good, and not necessarily what feels good.
Without values, you lack the direction to use your power in life effectively.
✹ Related Read: For more on how anxiety can guide you back to what matters, see The Hidden Value of Anxiety - Even When it Feels Meaningless.
CHOOSING GUIDANCE OVER AVOIDANCE
Identifying Your Own Guide in Anxious Moments
Who do you admire? Who exemplifies the qualities you want to cultivate when facing anxiety?
Your guide can be:
Someone you know personally, like a family member, teacher or friend.
A historical figure, athlete, writer, or public figure you respect.
A fictional character from books, movies, or TV shows.
Take your time if someone doesn’t quickly come to mind. But once you have someone, reflect on what it is you admire about them.
Ask yourself:
Speech: What do they say, and how do they say it? How do they communicate under pressure?
Body language: How do they carry themselves? What is their posture, facial expression, and overall presence?
Actions: How do they handle difficult situations? What choices do they make that earn your admiration?
Response to adversity: How do they act when faced with fear, uncertainty, or hardship? Imagine them in the very situation that makes you anxious – how would they respond?
Aristotle referred to such figures as “moral exemplars.”
He believed that one of the best ways to cultivate virtue is to observe those who embody it and practice emulating their behavior. Over time, these qualities become second nature — not forced or imitated, but fully integrated into your character.
FACING DISCOMFORT WELL
Cultivating a Courageous Mindset
Instead of seeing anxious moments as setbacks, reframe them as opportunities to practice resilience. The Stoics viewed adversity as the raw material for building strength, and you can adopt the same mindset:
I want to build confidence in the face of uncertainty.
I want to practice being the person I admire, even when I feel anxious.
I want to prove that I can move forward without letting anxiety tell me what to do.
I want to challenge the old beliefs that have kept me stuck.
I want to show my body that it is safe, even when discomfort arises.
I want to develop a higher tolerance for discomfort so I no longer need to avoid.
All of these require experiencing anxiety. So, if anxiety is inevitable, why not use it for your betterment?
Practicing courage shows that what you value most in life is more powerful than the fear that stands in your way.
✸ Also! For more on how your fearful reactions are rooted in survival instincts, read From Alert to Alarm: The Spectrum of Vigilance, Anxiety, and Fear.
COMMITTED ACTION THROUGH DISCOMFORT
Moving Forward with Intention
This isn’t about seeking out anxiety or hardship for its own sake, but recognizing that when it comes, you have a choice: to react impulsively, or to respond with intention.
By identifying a guide, aligning your actions with your values, and reframing anxiety as an opportunity rather than a setback, you can build the confidence to move through discomfort without losing yourself in it.
When anxiety arises, ask yourself: Who do I want to be right now? And then, practice that version of yourself one step at a time.
Jason Peruchini, LMFT
Jason Peruchini is a licensed psychotherapist and anxiety treatment professional who helps people address issues in mental health to live better lives.
