Memories aren’t just records of the past, they shape how we experience the present. That’s why they play such a central role in mental health treatment.
Every type of therapy works with memory in some way. Some focus on the memories we can talk about and recall consciously. Others target the ones we can’t put into words but still feel in our bodies — those vague, physical signals that tell us something’s happening inside, even if we don’t know exactly what.
Whether therapy works through language or through the body, the goal is the same: to safely retrieve difficult memories, introduce new and helpful information, and reorganize them so they have less power to disrupt daily life.
key takeaways
Memories Shape Anxiety Responses: Anxiety often stems from past experiences stored in our “memory library,” where sensory, emotional, and procedural details influence reactions to current situations, sometimes without conscious awareness.
Learned Anxious Behaviors: Anxiety can develop through observing others or personal experiences, even unintentionally, as behaviors and emotional responses are passed down or learned in formative environments.
Therapeutic Healing Through New Experiences: Addressing anxiety involves creating corrective emotional and physical experiences, such as practicing new behaviors to create new memories of confidence and success.
ACCESSING STORED INFORMATION
Your Library of Memories
Think of your memory like a library, with a librarian carefully organizing each life experience into different sections — one for sensory details, one for generic facts, another for learned skills, and even a video section that can replay episodes like scenes from a movie.
As you go through life, new “books” are constantly added to this library. Then, when something in the present resembles something from the past, the librarian pulls related memories from the shelves. Sometimes, all it takes is a single scent, sound, or setting to trigger a vivid recollection — bringing an entire emotional memory back to the surface.
Anxious memories that you can consciously recall and put into words might include moments like your voice shaking during a work presentation, or being yelled at by a parent as a kid. The more intense the emotion (especially fear) the more strongly that memory tends to stick. It’s like the brain flags it as important and keeps pulling it off the shelf, even when it’s not helpful.
When this happens, it can distort how you see current situations and make it harder to respond with fresh, more adaptive behavior.
✹ Going Further: To better understand how memory influences your brain’s fear response, see The Slow Pathway of Fear: How Your Brain Uses Memory and Logic.
UNDERSTANDING CONDITIONED EXPERIENCES
How We Learn to Be Anxious
Anxious behavior isn’t always learned through direct experience — it can also be picked up by watching others.
Simply observing someone who’s frequently anxious can leave a lasting impression.
Maybe your dad often repeated, “It’s better to be safe than sorry,” and now you over-prepare for every trip.
Maybe your mom washed her hands constantly, and you learned to be hyper-aware of germs.
Or maybe a coach was harsh with teammates who didn’t perform perfectly, and you picked up the belief that mistakes are punished.
These kinds of moments may not have seemed significant at the time, but they add up and are often recalled later as memories that shape how you respond to similar situations now.
Being able to recall and talk about memories is helpful in cognitive and behavioral therapies.
It allows you to update old stories with new information, such has:
How your current situation is different from the past
How your coping skills are improving
How things don’t go as badly as you once feared
This new, updated information provides new context for lower the body’s stress responses.
It’s also worth noting that anxiety doesn’t only come from traumatic or abusive experiences. Many people learn anxious patterns from well-meaning parents, teachers, or coaches who were either more anxious than they realized or who didn’t know how to respond to anxiety in others.
No one goes through childhood without picking up some unhelpful habits. What matters is recognizing them and working toward healthier responses now.
MISSING INFORMATION
When the Library Doesn't Have the Full Collection
Sometimes, memories can feel incomplete. Using the library metaphor again, this is like when the librarian pulls only the "sensory" and "procedural" volumes off the shelf, but leaves behind the books with verbal descriptions or other meaningful context.
These are unconscious memories.
Unconscious memories don’t contain enough narrative detail to be recalled or put into words.
Something in the present triggered their retrieval, but you don’t know what or why — you just feel uneasy, anxious, or emotionally off without a clear explanation.
✦ Explore: To continue exploring how your body communicates messages and needs, read Your Body is Speaking - Are You Listening?.
Even though these memories can’t be fully expressed in language, they still show up in your body.
You might feel it in your muscles, your gut, your breathing, or your posture. These reactions are often behind what’s known as “anniversary reactions” — when you suddenly feel low, anxious, or irritable for days, only to later realize you’re approaching the anniversary of a loss or difficult event. You weren’t consciously aware of it, but your body remembered.
Sometimes, realizing the date or event brings that conscious piece of the memory into awareness. But not all unconscious memories resolve this way. Some stay stored in the body until they’re gently accessed through other means, like mindfulness practices, somatic therapy, or other body-based approaches.
PROCEDURAL MEMORIES
Your "How-To" Guide When Feeling Anxious
The procedural memories in the library work like “how-to” guides for your body.
These are the stored movements and impulses that allow you to carry out familiar tasks without having to think them through. For example, once you’ve learned to ride a bike, you don’t have to consciously recall every step, it just happens automatically. These kinds of memories are sometimes called habits or muscle memory.
The same kind of learning applies to emotional and physical responses in threatening situations. When something feels unsafe, your body learns how to protect itself without needing to think it through.
Take, for instance, a child who’s repeatedly cornered and yelled at by a parent. With no way to stop or escape the threat, their body might learn to:
- Drop the head
- Slouch the shoulders
- Freeze in place
These protective responses become stored as unconscious procedures.
✧ Apply This: For more on how physical posture and expression interact with anxiety, see How Your Body Language Shapes Anxiety (And How to Change It).
Self-protective procedures can become activated in situations that feel similar to an old threat.
This happens even when the original memory isn't consciously accessible. Instead of a clear memory, it might show up as a general preference:
► "I just don't like confrontation"
► "I just want everyone to be happy"
But when conflict arises, the body reacts — head down, shoulders rounded, mind checked out.
HEALING FROM THE PAST
Addressing These Memories in Therapy
Therapy can provide a safe space for memories to be expressed in healthy ways rather than through suppression or impulsive reactions. It also offers opportunities for corrective emotional experiences that support long-term healing.
For instance, practicing an assertive voice allows you to hear and feel what was once silenced. What matters most isn't the content, but the physical experience of speaking up.
Similarly, adopting a confident posture helps your body internalize a new sense of safety and strength. It’s not just about standing tall, but noticing how that stance feels and how it communicates with your nervous system.
These subtle changes allow for the healthy modification of procedural and sensory memories. While the methods may vary, the most effective approaches are often behavioral and body-based, attuned to the sensations rather than just thoughts.
In time, these small changes can help reshape the way you respond to old fears and open yourself up to new pathways toward healing.
Jason Peruchini, LMFT
Jason Peruchini is a licensed psychotherapist and anxiety treatment professional who helps people address issues in mental health to live better lives.
